May 1st
It's the first day of May, my birth month and I just hate it. It only means that I have only a month left for vacation and another 9 months of sleepless nights and stressful days are coming nearer and nearer in front of my face. I did not enroll to summer classes (academic) because I told myself that I will give this summer to myself, recover from the very crucial changes I gone through during my 1st and 2nd semester in UP, find myself, just do whatever I want.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
The Bitter Truth
an entry from my iPod March 27, 2010 9:40PM
"Kaya lang, you really have to accept the fact na hindi talaga siya para sa'yo."
Ngayon ko lang nasabi nang deretso itong mga katagang ito sa sarili ko. Siguro nga panahon na para tanggapin ko na itong katotohanang ito. Siguro alam ko na rin sa sarili ko, alam na nang katawan ko na eto na yung tamang panahon. Alam ko ko na asa sarili ko na okay na ako kahit madalas ko pa rin siya na-iisip, nagde-day dream ng kung anu-anong masasayang bagay na sana nagagawa naming dalawa. Kaya lang hindi ganon. May iba siyang mahal at alam ko kung gano niya yun kamahal, na kahit ilang beses pa sila magkatampuhan, kahit ilang beses pa siya mambabae alam ko babalik at babalik pa rin siya sa kanya. Kahit na minsan nasasakal siya, bale wala sa kanya lahat yun. Masaktan na lahat wag lang ang kanyang pinakamamahal. Nkakalungkot pero yun ang totoo at kailangan ko nang tanggapin ang katotohanan na 'yon. Masyado na rin namang matagal. Madami na rin akong naaksayang panahon at pagkakataon sa pagpapaniwala ko sa sarili ko na may pag-asa pa kahit na alm ko namang wala na talaga.
Siguro, mahal na sa kung mahal, pero pagod na rin ako (sa wakas ba ito?). Ang hirap niya pala talaga mahalin. Hindi na naman siguro masama kung mag-give up na ako. Para naman isipin ko yung sarili ko. Sino ba ako? Ano ba talaga ang gusto ko?
Yung letter ko, yung message in a bottle, sabi ko ikaw lang yung una at huling lalaki na mamahalin ko ng ganito. Totoo yun, wala na talaga akong mamahalin pa na ibang lalaki tulad ng pagmamahal na binigay ko sa'yo, sayang nga lang at binalewala mo lang 'yon. I still love you but i have yo let go now. It's time to give myself freedom from all these pain and sufferings my love for you has caused me and seek what truly makes me happy... I love you, always have, always will. I'll see in the future or maybe in our next lifetime and I hope in our next lifetime we will be together...forever...
an entry from my iPod March 27, 2010 9:40PM
"Kaya lang, you really have to accept the fact na hindi talaga siya para sa'yo."
Ngayon ko lang nasabi nang deretso itong mga katagang ito sa sarili ko. Siguro nga panahon na para tanggapin ko na itong katotohanang ito. Siguro alam ko na rin sa sarili ko, alam na nang katawan ko na eto na yung tamang panahon. Alam ko ko na asa sarili ko na okay na ako kahit madalas ko pa rin siya na-iisip, nagde-day dream ng kung anu-anong masasayang bagay na sana nagagawa naming dalawa. Kaya lang hindi ganon. May iba siyang mahal at alam ko kung gano niya yun kamahal, na kahit ilang beses pa sila magkatampuhan, kahit ilang beses pa siya mambabae alam ko babalik at babalik pa rin siya sa kanya. Kahit na minsan nasasakal siya, bale wala sa kanya lahat yun. Masaktan na lahat wag lang ang kanyang pinakamamahal. Nkakalungkot pero yun ang totoo at kailangan ko nang tanggapin ang katotohanan na 'yon. Masyado na rin namang matagal. Madami na rin akong naaksayang panahon at pagkakataon sa pagpapaniwala ko sa sarili ko na may pag-asa pa kahit na alm ko namang wala na talaga.
Siguro, mahal na sa kung mahal, pero pagod na rin ako (sa wakas ba ito?). Ang hirap niya pala talaga mahalin. Hindi na naman siguro masama kung mag-give up na ako. Para naman isipin ko yung sarili ko. Sino ba ako? Ano ba talaga ang gusto ko?
Yung letter ko, yung message in a bottle, sabi ko ikaw lang yung una at huling lalaki na mamahalin ko ng ganito. Totoo yun, wala na talaga akong mamahalin pa na ibang lalaki tulad ng pagmamahal na binigay ko sa'yo, sayang nga lang at binalewala mo lang 'yon. I still love you but i have yo let go now. It's time to give myself freedom from all these pain and sufferings my love for you has caused me and seek what truly makes me happy... I love you, always have, always will. I'll see in the future or maybe in our next lifetime and I hope in our next lifetime we will be together...forever...
Akala mo lang oo, pero HINDI! HINDI! HINDI!!!
from my iPod
edited: March 27, 2010 9:44PM
Minsan akala mo naka-move-on ka na pero dadating ang panahon o pagkakataon na marerealize mo na hindi pa pala. Unti-unting babalik ang mga masasayang alaala ng nakaraan, mangungulila at hihilingin na sana ay bumalik ang dating samahan...
from my iPod
edited: March 27, 2010 9:44PM
Minsan akala mo naka-move-on ka na pero dadating ang panahon o pagkakataon na marerealize mo na hindi pa pala. Unti-unting babalik ang mga masasayang alaala ng nakaraan, mangungulila at hihilingin na sana ay bumalik ang dating samahan...
Thursday, April 01, 2010
another entry from my iPod
Feb. 24, 2010 12:00AM
I hate this feeling. The feeling that you think you've moved on but really you are not. From time to time the feeling of hopefulness and helplessness come together making me wonder if the words spoken three years ago would really happen in the future and imagining doing good romantic things together like joyriding, going to the nearest beach possible and just do whatever we want to do. Go to Alabang and have afternoon snacks at Bizu...
How I wish all these would come true.
Feb. 24, 2010 12:00AM
I hate this feeling. The feeling that you think you've moved on but really you are not. From time to time the feeling of hopefulness and helplessness come together making me wonder if the words spoken three years ago would really happen in the future and imagining doing good romantic things together like joyriding, going to the nearest beach possible and just do whatever we want to do. Go to Alabang and have afternoon snacks at Bizu...
How I wish all these would come true.
short entries from my iPod
Feb. 17, 2010 8:16AM
I'm at St. Therese right now and I feel so light, I cannot explain... I never felt this serene for quite some time now. I can feel the summer and the holy week. I want to go to a beach far from here and look for my self.
I'm excited to make plans for my summer. I want to so a lot of things. I want to do driving lessons, spend vacation at Lolo's place, frequently meet with Danica, enroll to JRP with Danica, continue my piano lessons, spend some time at the beach, celebrate my 19th birthday at Fun Ranch in Ortigas with Danica and "WHO" ONLY. Then at night, go to Encore in The Fort to celebrate with my other friends and make it extraordinary.
Feb. 24, 2010 11:08PM
Napakabilis ng oras. Wednesday na submission na ng journal mamaya wala pa akong nagagawa. Sobrang tinatamad na ako. Gusto ko lang matulog. Parang sobrang kulang na kulang ako sa tulog kahit sa tingin ko mahaba na tulog ko, parang kulang pa rin. So tired. Ngayon naman patulog na ako hindi naman ako maantok.
March 1, 2010 10:39PM
Pag kailangan mo ng makakausap nandito lang ako. Try me. Try mong kilalanin ako, malay mo worth it pala akong maging kaibigan.
Feb. 17, 2010 8:16AM
I'm at St. Therese right now and I feel so light, I cannot explain... I never felt this serene for quite some time now. I can feel the summer and the holy week. I want to go to a beach far from here and look for my self.
I'm excited to make plans for my summer. I want to so a lot of things. I want to do driving lessons, spend vacation at Lolo's place, frequently meet with Danica, enroll to JRP with Danica, continue my piano lessons, spend some time at the beach, celebrate my 19th birthday at Fun Ranch in Ortigas with Danica and "WHO" ONLY. Then at night, go to Encore in The Fort to celebrate with my other friends and make it extraordinary.
Feb. 24, 2010 11:08PM
Napakabilis ng oras. Wednesday na submission na ng journal mamaya wala pa akong nagagawa. Sobrang tinatamad na ako. Gusto ko lang matulog. Parang sobrang kulang na kulang ako sa tulog kahit sa tingin ko mahaba na tulog ko, parang kulang pa rin. So tired. Ngayon naman patulog na ako hindi naman ako maantok.
March 1, 2010 10:39PM
Pag kailangan mo ng makakausap nandito lang ako. Try me. Try mong kilalanin ako, malay mo worth it pala akong maging kaibigan.
Monday, March 22, 2010
too lazy to work...
Sem's ending and there are lots of requirements. no, not much, it seems many because i'm really too lazy to do it. i have a production script to be edited for devcom 11's final exercise, i need to review for nasc 7's finals and in econ 11's. i'm also worrying for my devcom 11 =(
super lutang. i need to get going but i can't... hayyy... all i want to do now is learn to play the piano, learn French with Danica, spend my whole summer with Lolo in Manila and bake and bake and bake! ooohhh... *sigh*
now, i really have realized that devcom is not for me... i'm just pushing my self to finish it and i want to finish it NOW! as in the whole course =( i wish i could graduate on time because i really really want to take culinary arts. build my own cafe and restaurants and bars and party planning... these are the things i like to do most. not to write, not to report. sometimes i'm enjoying what i do in devcom but at the end of the day, it still feels like i'm wasting a lot of my time... and the sad thing is, i don't have a choice but to finish what i have started [and suffer].
Sem's ending and there are lots of requirements. no, not much, it seems many because i'm really too lazy to do it. i have a production script to be edited for devcom 11's final exercise, i need to review for nasc 7's finals and in econ 11's. i'm also worrying for my devcom 11 =(
super lutang. i need to get going but i can't... hayyy... all i want to do now is learn to play the piano, learn French with Danica, spend my whole summer with Lolo in Manila and bake and bake and bake! ooohhh... *sigh*
now, i really have realized that devcom is not for me... i'm just pushing my self to finish it and i want to finish it NOW! as in the whole course =( i wish i could graduate on time because i really really want to take culinary arts. build my own cafe and restaurants and bars and party planning... these are the things i like to do most. not to write, not to report. sometimes i'm enjoying what i do in devcom but at the end of the day, it still feels like i'm wasting a lot of my time... and the sad thing is, i don't have a choice but to finish what i have started [and suffer].
Monday, March 01, 2010
Open forum in Values
Three years ago, we had an open forum in one of my subjects in high school -- Values Education. I was in third year high school then. I wouldn't remember it if not only because of my phone. That was the time when I revealed my feelings for him, but he wasn't there. He was called to the office at that time. Those who heard my courageous revelation were my classmates and some friends. I can still remember their faces while I was speaking. They were all smiling, like kilig and when I finished talking they said "makakarating." It doesn't matter to me if they would tell it to him or not, for me I've done my part, that's all. But they told it to him. And after i finished speaking, he came in. very timely. hahaha! We always have the wrong timing. I hope someday we would get the right timing.
Three years ago, we had an open forum in one of my subjects in high school -- Values Education. I was in third year high school then. I wouldn't remember it if not only because of my phone. That was the time when I revealed my feelings for him, but he wasn't there. He was called to the office at that time. Those who heard my courageous revelation were my classmates and some friends. I can still remember their faces while I was speaking. They were all smiling, like kilig and when I finished talking they said "makakarating." It doesn't matter to me if they would tell it to him or not, for me I've done my part, that's all. But they told it to him. And after i finished speaking, he came in. very timely. hahaha! We always have the wrong timing. I hope someday we would get the right timing.
Don't know what to feel...
I'm bothered by the events of this week; primarily the Gandingan 2010. It is an award giving body of Community Broadcasting Society in UPLB. I wasn't expecting to see "her" there. Well, i know it's possible, pero hindi ko masyado iniisip. But still... I thought everything would be fine now since it was a loooong time ago. I thought I have moved on but I still get bitter at times. I have to admit. It really hurts me to see them together, more of an eye soar. Especially when he wrapped his arms around her... when they saw ME. Yesterday I was crying because of that, until now I'm very sad. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm not in the mood to do my school works. Oh, no, here we go again...
Why does he keeps on treating me like that? Why can't he treat me the way he treats his other girl friends?
I'm bothered by the events of this week; primarily the Gandingan 2010. It is an award giving body of Community Broadcasting Society in UPLB. I wasn't expecting to see "her" there. Well, i know it's possible, pero hindi ko masyado iniisip. But still... I thought everything would be fine now since it was a loooong time ago. I thought I have moved on but I still get bitter at times. I have to admit. It really hurts me to see them together, more of an eye soar. Especially when he wrapped his arms around her... when they saw ME. Yesterday I was crying because of that, until now I'm very sad. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm not in the mood to do my school works. Oh, no, here we go again...
Why does he keeps on treating me like that? Why can't he treat me the way he treats his other girl friends?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
longing...
i miss you so much. i want to hug you really tight. i want to kiss you, cuddle with you all night...
i'm just being true (sometimes, i really believe that alcohol helps me deal with my emotions.) now that i have alcohol running in my blood, i don't care about the world. i would say what i want to say without thinking of other people, shame or whatsoever. I LOVE YOU! i would shout to the world. i want you to know, you're MY ONE GREAT LOVE... i've told you already, i will never love any man again the way i did to you... i hate to feel this way but at the same time i don't care. i feel so helpless and hopeless... but then, one glimpse of you in my memory take those pain away. my heart is overwhelmed by my desire of being with you...
i just want to be with you...forever...
I love you. NOTHING and NOBODY can change that.
i miss you so much. i want to hug you really tight. i want to kiss you, cuddle with you all night...
i'm just being true (sometimes, i really believe that alcohol helps me deal with my emotions.) now that i have alcohol running in my blood, i don't care about the world. i would say what i want to say without thinking of other people, shame or whatsoever. I LOVE YOU! i would shout to the world. i want you to know, you're MY ONE GREAT LOVE... i've told you already, i will never love any man again the way i did to you... i hate to feel this way but at the same time i don't care. i feel so helpless and hopeless... but then, one glimpse of you in my memory take those pain away. my heart is overwhelmed by my desire of being with you...
i just want to be with you...forever...
I love you. NOTHING and NOBODY can change that.
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