waiting in vain...

i'm in a computer shop right now just in the vicinity of UP. yes, i'm now studying in UP and it's really giving me sooo much pressure! anyway, i have only one class today. i'm just waiting for my friend, we will go to a fortune teller later. i've been out from school since 9:20 am (from a supposedly 8.30-10am class.) i bought breakfast from McDonald's -- two sausage mcmuffins, twister fries and orange juice. hindi ako gutom! haha! then i walked to where mama was. they were at the kanto of the subdivision where their office is located. they were having an "ukay-ukay" (garage sale) as their fund raising. she left me there with their two nurses and another employee. her boss picked her up for an emergency meeting. i waited their for hours. i'm supposed to go home but i still don't feel like going home. she said she will go back but then she didn't. i texted my friend and i accompanied her for lunch then went back to the garage sale. i decided to go back to the campus and just wait at my aunt's office (just near the campus). they were packing up when i left; it started to drizzle. i'm halfway to the campus' gate when it started to rain really hard. my mom talked to me on the phone before i left and she told me to go home and not wait for my friend until 4pm. but i don't want to go home yet.

though i'm "nakukunsensya" (feeling guilty) not following my mom again. she told me to go home but i insisted to wait for my friend until 4pm. i'm stuck here in a computer shop because of the heavy downpour. i hope this "pagpapasaway" won't be a reason again for us to fight. she always tells me straight to my face that i'm always "palpak". and for now, i'm not doing good in school... i'm afraid... more like scared to death... to get the tension off my system, i'm making myself busy reading funny columns in tristancafe, listening opm in imeem, feeding my hatchlings pets(they are really starving) and writing this blog post. but still the fright inside me does not fade.

i don't know what's happening to me. i'm out of focus again. everything seems behind me. as in everything!!! i don't know how i can get to focus again to my studies. i need my focus as soon as possible! no, i need it now!!!

ooohhh... >.<

i need to survive in this environment! (survival of the fittest? =p) no i'm serious. i don't know what to do. i really need to make it with everything!